Tonight I had the opportunity to share God’s Word with some 150 students and it was such a joy, such a rush, such a blessing and yet an awakening.  One of the last worship songs the band played before I got to share was “Better is One Day.”  It comes right out of Psalm 84:10.  “Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of the Lord than dwell in the tents of the wicked.”  I recalled the second part of that verse and thought of the kitchen crew that has to sort through all the recyclables here at camp.  I thought, “Would I be okay with that?”  To be honest, I was so excited to share and really wanted everyone to hear what I had prepared (I do think God gave me the ideas and obviously His Word stood firm).  I was so excited that in that moment I think my honest answer to my own question based on that Psalm was, “No.”  I felt called and empowered to share and not sort trash.  I was humbled with my own honesty and actually felt pretty bad.  I almost felt unworthy to share because of my excitement of being up front.  I felt that I should want to sort trash and do whatever God wanted me to do.

Oh, how I long to just be what God wants me to be.  I remember cleaning up after babies, cleaning up after youth events, cleaning up after LJ in college puked all over the place and I just know that that is where God wanted me to be in those moments.  I’m learning and growing, but I don’t want to stop cleaning up.  I don’t want to give up being a doorkeeper.  The more I have experience being in the Church the more cautious I am in being “up front,” or “gifted,” or anything else.  Believe me, I LOVE sharing now more than ever.  But it’s a dangerous and scary calling as well.  I don’t ever want to take that for granted, whether this is a week that catapults me or if it’s a week in which I never speak again.  I am so ridiculously blessed, but it’s only by God’s grace.

So, how would I answer that question again right now?  I’d be okay with it.  I’d sort the trash (I think).  I simply want to obey.  Maybe in the moment I sensed that I was to share and that’s why I wasn’t content with being a doorkeeper (not that doing the trash is any less important, but to a degree is required less of a gift – c.f. 1 Corinthians 14).  To obey is better than to sacrifice . . .

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