Tonight I had the opportunity to share God’s Word with some 150 students and it was such a joy, such a rush, such a blessing and yet an awakening. One of the last worship songs the band played before I got to share was “Better is One Day.” It comes right out of Psalm 84:10. “Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of the Lord than dwell in the tents of the wicked.” I recalled the second part of that verse and thought of the kitchen crew that has to sort through all the recyclables here at camp. I thought, “Would I be okay with that?” To be honest, I was so excited to share and really wanted everyone to hear what I had prepared (I do think God gave me the ideas and obviously His Word stood firm). I was so excited that in that moment I think my honest answer to my own question based on that Psalm was, “No.” I felt called and empowered to share and not sort trash. I was humbled with my own honesty and actually felt pretty bad. I almost felt unworthy to share because of my excitement of being up front. I felt that I should want to sort trash and do whatever God wanted me to do.
Oh, how I long to just be what God wants me to be. I remember cleaning up after babies, cleaning up after youth events, cleaning up after LJ in college puked all over the place and I just know that that is where God wanted me to be in those moments. I’m learning and growing, but I don’t want to stop cleaning up. I don’t want to give up being a doorkeeper. The more I have experience being in the Church the more cautious I am in being “up front,” or “gifted,” or anything else. Believe me, I LOVE sharing now more than ever. But it’s a dangerous and scary calling as well. I don’t ever want to take that for granted, whether this is a week that catapults me or if it’s a week in which I never speak again. I am so ridiculously blessed, but it’s only by God’s grace.
So, how would I answer that question again right now? I’d be okay with it. I’d sort the trash (I think). I simply want to obey. Maybe in the moment I sensed that I was to share and that’s why I wasn’t content with being a doorkeeper (not that doing the trash is any less important, but to a degree is required less of a gift – c.f. 1 Corinthians 14). To obey is better than to sacrifice . . .