I’m just blah. I had some insanely busy weeks this fall and now that I set aside time to just not work all I want to do is be working. I’m having a hard time unwinding. And what’s more, I am crazy unsettled. I don’t know why. And with the break and the excitement for it I’m now on somewhat of a let down. Why? I mean, it’s not that big of a deal, but at the same time I feel I should have used my time better, that we should have gotten more done as a family and even that I should have read more or spent more time devotionally. So now it’s guilt.

Yet I can’t get too hard on myself; it’s just a break . . . three days off, in fact, hardly a vacation. My intensity and passion is how God made me. It’s among my greatest gifts and dangers. So far only family has seen my funk, but I dread that they have. To be so much more . . .

I mean, by the time 8:00 pm rolls around I’m so stinkin’ tired that I not only have nothing left, but things get left undone that I then have to do on days following & then I get further behind on things I want to do in the future. It’s a never ending cycle. And when I don’t get done things (or by some chance I do) then I get critical of my kids and wife, while I’m doing jack and then I become of jerk for not only my laziness but criticism.

And time . . . it’s so hard to come by right now. If I’m not working Sherry is and if she’s not, I am. We miss each other, yet when we see each other we’re so tired we just . . . blah. A tough season, no doubt.

I does feel good to write it out. It’s healthy to hear how illogical we can be at times, or how crazy our world is. So I think I’m going to just white out this text so it’s not visible online unless you select the text and can read it. It’s kind of personal, yet not really. We all go through blah. We all have Lamentable moments; it’s just that my moments really aren’t that lamentable to most. I’m really quite a baby. When things don’t go my way I’m scary like my three kids. And they’re 5 & under. Ouch!

Always a new day . . . His mercies are new every morning! Lamentations 3:27ff. I guess a new month is good, too! Holiday season stresses me out big time! I guess I need to cling to Jesus all the more!

11/26/09

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