So the job hunt continues and it must be one of the most lonely and defeating experiences at times but kinda nice at others. On paper I’m gifted but not in areas I’ve agreed not to work in – and things like teaching positions aren’t exactly available or timely. To market oneself seems
to go against most things we try to do as believers and yet it’s what’s necessary in times like these.
Remember Paul? Now there was a dude that tried to find a job that he wasn’t exactly qualified for! After persecuting Christians he then wants to be a leader converting them. Seriously? I mean if God can take Paul and use him for such radical Kingdom purposes despite what an antagonist he was to the cause of Christ, then certainly God can use anyone in anything, no matter where they’ve come.
Truly I’ve been a jack of all trades throughout my career, dabbling in this and that based on both interest and attraction to how things work and what needs I think there are (whether in teaching, preaching, supervising, marketing, networking, policy-ing, unifying and more. But master of anything? Such becomes my quandry in the spot I find myself. There’s a reason the American dream way back when was to get a job in college to start then continue in that career until you move up the ranks becoming more skilled in that area of expertise and you get pension, 401k, etc. Yet I know I’m not alone in looking for something totally unlike what I have my degree in and experience. While I know this is simply a “tentmaking” job much like Paul had, it’s tough with a family and feeling and knowing you aren’t “taking care of them.”. Yet even that doesn’t bother me all too much because I totally trust God in this whole process (my only real pressure is that we really want to keep our house – hey, honesty is good, right?). I’m willing to risk it all if that’s what is the call. And I know we’ve demonstrated that. Most importantly in our countenance and hearts, but also in praxis.
So after filling out my experience and qualifications on over thirty jobs online, creating usernames and passwords for probably 15 different accounts and job boards, sending out more resumes than I can count and changing my resume almost daily, I must admit that all the jobs are starting to blur together. And you begin to wonder if there’s anything out there. I take a test for a job and am told I get the highest mark for the position, I’m thinking “sweet,” until I find I’m not the only one who’s scored so high – 5600 other people got that mark! Sales jobs, insurance positions, working from home doing some shady deal, or being an IT guy who knows more acrostics in computer languages than I ever came up with outlines for sermons – well those jobs are available, but I know they’re not me right now.
Maybe I’ll just retire. My dad did – last day today (congrats, Pops!). But again, I don’t think that’ll pay the bills. But since being home, it’s been kinda cool because a lot of little house things have gotten accomplished. I’ve organized all our files, cleaned our garage, imported all our cd’s, cleaned off my workbench, added 100+ books to my online store, trashed the garage, read a bunch to the kids, moved our home office, avoided fast food, cluttered up my workbench, took the recycles in for cash, washed the dog 3 times, learned more about how to do laundry (though still not trusted), cooked a few meals for the kids (frozen pizza IS a meal, I don’t care what you say), read a ton, almost finished copying all my notes from one Bible to another, rearranged my girls’ bedroom, sorted my books, not spent money, networked our printer, drove and picked up my kids to school, wrote blogs, wrote a ton more that I couldn’t blog, outlined my book, met with a dear friend 3-4 times, had lots of laughter with my wife, listened to a ton of music, rearranged all my chord charts, prepared all our tax documents, and more. You’d think I haven’t been looking for a job at all! But, oh I have let me tell you. I’ve got my folder of bookmarks I run through and am trying to see through the fog of similarity.
It’s funny because with all I’ve gotten done, I keep thinking, “Is this why God has me off for this long?” It’s like there’s this ONE thing He really wants me to be off for, but I’m not sure what it is. But then I think that’s just superstitious and pass the thought by. I guess it’s at least recognizing God’s hand in it. I mean, I truly sense the Spirit in walking through this lonely journey. My biggest struggle is my thoughts. So often people say that they’re their biggest enemy. I’m not sure I, in my body, soul and spirit, am. It’s my mind. Know I know we can’t separate our mind from our body, soul/spirit, but it is seriously plaguing. The last week has clearly been the toughest. And while there’s moments of relief, these negative thoughts loom, plague, infect and penetrate me like I can’t describe. It’s temptation, pride, bitterness, pain and justice. How I just need the opposite of those evils: perseverance, humility, love, sacrifice and righteousness. Oh, Lord, please!
If you can pray for me for a job and those five things I just listed, I’d love it. And if you know anyone else who’s on a job hunt, pray for and encourage them today, too. It’s a fog out there!
But I’m again thankful for hope: past, present, future & eternal.