Man, I feel I’m so bad at this topic. I probably should be disciplining myself right now instead of writing about it. But it’s so frustrating. Whether it’s hitting the snooze button or doing the extra few things instead of responding to my wife and kids or procrastinating with something I want to do versus something I probably should be doing, it seems I fail in this area (Romans 7:15-20). . . repeatedly. Now I don’t want to sound all “Eeyorish,” I just long to be disciplined in the way God has created me and designed me out of nothing. I only have so many days on this earth and yet I seem to forget about that fact and live in the temporary (1 Corinthians 4:17-18).
O God, I know I’m not alone in this, it’s just that I so long to serve you to the fullest & I know I come short. Lord, fill me with Your Spirit, because it’s only by your grace that I’m able to do anything, let alone live a disciplined life. I long for your Word to fill me. I long to study and know it, but I so often put it off as secondary to my feelings, my wants and desires, my family even. My relationship with you comes first, and yet I know that I’ve not lived that way to put it in that order. Forgive me, Lord, for all those little times I’ve idolized something. I worship You and want to worship You alone. Help me. I know it might seem as if by Your helping me it’s as if I’m not really worshipping You with my whole heart, but I confess my need for You. Just like Caleb needs help at times possibly obeying me, so I need help when I’m tired, weak, frustrated, when things don’t go my way. God, it’s not about me. It’s been about me, but it’s not supposed to be. And Lord, You know I’ve prayed stuff like this before; it’s just really hard. Help, please.
And God, I feel most selfish because You’ve blessed me so much and so many others have it so far difficult than I do and yet I still struggle. In part it makes me feel even weaker, but again, that’s because I’ve been focused on me. Help me to focus on loving others. You said simply, “Love me. Love others.” Clearly I need help in both areas. Guide me in my pursuit of unselfishness, but most importantly, help those who need you right now: firefighters, Cambodia travelers, persecuted Christians in the Sudan, China and elsewhere, students in my ministries and their families, their decisions, those to whom I’ll come in contact with today, my beautiful family and its similar pursuit of you, those whom I love who do not have a thriving relationship with you, false teachers I know, pharisees I know, organizations which I support and serve, Natnael our Compassion child, O God, the list goes on. Touch. Bless. Help. Heal. Change. Comfort. Be.
I Love You and trust You. Thank you even for these thoughts which set me in the Path to Your Truth, Your Life, Your Love . . . for me, for my loved ones, but most importantly for Your Kingdom.
Amen . . .